Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hitting the Wall

I haven't been here for a while. I can't write and lose weight at the same time apparently.

Defatification is hard work, I keep it under 1600 calories and I work off 600 on the torture machine of choice - the tread mill and I still can only manage to lose 1/2 to 1 lb a week for a total of 50 in a year and a half, while my sister, Ms. Fatty Fatterstein has dropped 85 since January. Maybe I left my metabolism in heaven and she picked it up on the way here, Do you think she'd give it back, Noooooooo. She looks great, I still have a tire around my middle, albeit I'm down from a truck tire to a mid-size car now. I'm aiming for one of those smart car tires by the end of summer.

Did you know that sugar free jello has 10 calories but still equals 100 calories when you eat ten of them? I think I see where I'm going wrong.

My son is getting married April 2011 and I have no intention of wearing one of those mother of the groom dresses. I want a slinky one-shoulder jobbie that shows off my ink and my booty which needs to be about two sizes smaller by then.

So if I kinda go away for a while, it could mean I'm in the middle of booty-pops to a hot Adam Lambert song - I know he's gay, leave me alone - somewhere in the basement. C'mon on down and let's boogie!!